Healing After a Missed Miscarriage: My Pregnancy Journey & Life Update

Sharing very vulnerable moments during my miscarriage that could be triggering to some.

I cannot believe I’m pregnant again expecting our third baby this summer!

Something I haven’t shared is that I suffered through a missed miscarriage going on 3 years ago now. And it has taken me just about all 3 of these years to heal physically and mentally from that loss.

I thought I wanted to share every bit and piece of that loss and in someway help someone that may be going through the same thing. What I did instead was surround myself with love. The love of my friends and family and love for myself.

At the end of the day what happened was not my fault and if you’ve gone through this too, it isn’t your fault either.

One thing I want to share is that I was wholly unprepared for what would happen during and after my miscarriage. What you see in mainstream or hear about from others is often a lot of blood loss and serious cramping.

With a missed miscarriage your body still thinks its pregnant and its usually diagnosed via ultrasound.

What I was told and what happened after my diagnosis didn’t match up and I was devastated not just upon finding out and starting the process of emptying my womb (for me delivering my baby) but going through it and thinking ok my pregnancy has ended and I’ve said goodbye only for a week later to actually deliver my baby.

I thought I was fine, I thought I was ok, I thought I went through what I needed to go through. But then hit with the reality of delivering our baby, feeling the soreness of delivery, feeling the contractions and not thinking thats what they were. That is what broke me.

And to be honest I felt so stupid to think that it was that “easy” that here was the excruciating pain and nausea that came with that little pill, the tears and the sadness and the feeling of emptiness. For it all to blow up in my face and experience birthing what would have been our third baby.

Without the support of my closest friends and my family right there I would have been so so loss. The pain of realizing a life that could have been and then gone was so heartbreaking. But I decided I had to start doing things for me. Dressing for me, living for me, creating for me. While most of everything I do is for my kids and my family there was a part of myself that was lost and was taken over by the needs of others.

I traveled. I went on solo dates. I started a business. I started reading again. I found healing in doing things FOR ME.

So while I still had a lot of mental healing to do my physical healing was so out of whack. I started having irregular periods, my weight fluctuated so much, I was tired and achy and I just COULD NOT get pregnant.

My husband and I finally came to the conclusion that we were just not going to get pregnant again and that 2 little girls was more than enough for us. And somehow (well we all know how) we got pregnant when we least expected it.

Someone asked me so was this planned? And I said no. She said so God's Plan. And that made me smile.

I found out I was expecting the same day 3 years later that I found out we were no longer pregnant. Skip ahead to my first ultrasound and they updated my due date to my birthday. What a way to celebrate our rainbow baby!

I’m currently 22 weeks pregnant now and feeling all the kicks and just enjoying everything about this pregnancy. Luckily enough I haven’t experienced any morning sickness! Just still very tired. We are also waiting to find out baby’s gender until birth for just one more little surprise.

If you’re still reading this and have gone through something similar or are finally expecting your rainbow baby. I’m here with you and on the same journey. Can’t wait.